This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
