She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
