Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize