pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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