I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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