batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
