My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
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