god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
