you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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