I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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