Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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