Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
