First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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