Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
