White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
