i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
