I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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