I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
