Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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