I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
