then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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