trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
