I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
