even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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