Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You are a genius and a whore.
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