I think I died a long time ago.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
