is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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