Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
