One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize