he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
