Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
How does one acquire holy water?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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