On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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