when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
