My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
