Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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