Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
