Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize