My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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