if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
