This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
