You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I will die if light touches me.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
