I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
