Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
