their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
