Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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