His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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