There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize