The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
