rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You need Xanax blowdarts
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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