My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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