i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
