Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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