He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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