Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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