Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
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