I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize