That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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