you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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