You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
