We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
someone owes me an orgasm
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
So here I am, sexting at work.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
