I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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