Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize