You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
