Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
