Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
