My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
only you would photoshop your dick
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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