u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
