I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
