I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
