Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Even my vagina gasped.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize