this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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