you guys were way drunker than both of me
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
