I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
false alarm, still single
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
